question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
i wish my penis had a tongue
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
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