My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Randomize
