When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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