I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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