Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
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