I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
