my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Randomize
