Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
