So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
