And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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