when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
