My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
he fucked my hip out of place.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
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