I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
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