What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
