I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
We have so much sex to catch up on
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
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