Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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