Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Randomize
