Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
