I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
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