Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
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