I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
