I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
If I die, sorry about rent.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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