Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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