Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
