Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Randomize
