I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
