so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
