My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Two words: nipple clamps
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