My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
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