You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
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