god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
