Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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