i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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