you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
The feeling are messing with the penis
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
