My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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