the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
