you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
