you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
