His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
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I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
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He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
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