I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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