I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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