Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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