Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
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