Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
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