hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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