We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
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