Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
