Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
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