He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
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