its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
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