ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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