My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Randomize
