that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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