I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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