I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Randomize
