we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
Randomize
