I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
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