Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
