Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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