glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
