sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
You ate ashes out of my bong
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize