I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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