bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Boobs are out for the taking
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
