Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
