Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
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