why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Randomize
