So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
I fill condoms, not promises.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize