I just made out with a guy for $7.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
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Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
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Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
I need to sanitize my soul.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
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