I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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