Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
