We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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