Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
