You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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